There’s a total of 4 stages and the controls are as basic as it gets for the genre, there’s a normal shot, a charged shot and a bomb, there’s no power ups and there’s no real challenge to be found, so I hope you really do find poop funny or you’re not going to have much fun here. 6 – Cubivore: Survival of the Fittest, • This is perhaps the strangest adaptation of Darwin’s theory of evolution, you play as a blocky looking animal thing that wouldn’t look out of place in Minecraft and your goal is to eat other cube animals and mutate into the best cube animal of all. • Mutation via consumption is more than a little weird, but the way you mutate is outright bizarre, your limbs and colour combinations is what defines your character, if you’re not strong enough you go through the love tunnel and make a new little cube. • If you eat enough and then make love enough, eventually you’ll be able to kill and eat the cubivore, thus taking your rightful place as the top of the food chain. 5 – Japan World Cup 3, • I don’t even know if this really classifies as a game, I mean everyone online seems to refer to it as one, but really it feels more like a betting and illicit drug simulator. • To play the game you go to a website, where you’ll see a bunch of wacky horse and jocky combinations and you bet fake money on the one you like the look of the most (personally I like the limousine-horse) and watch the race. •
That’s the end of it, there is no other point to Japan World Cup 3, apart from perhaps trying to see each predetermined cutscene available, but if you’re impatient you can buy a DVD on Amazon for $34.49. 4 – Seaman, • Think of Hey You, Pikachu! but now replace Pikachu with a variety of aquatic and amphibious creatures with a perturbed looking man’s face stuck to the front, oh and did I mentioned the English version is narrated by Leonard Nemoy? • If you don’t turn on your dreamcast and play Seaman once a day, in real time, your Seaman could die and if you do go through the effort to look after Seaman he will either insult you, or give you random facts. • I don’t know why anyone, even someone from a culture as weird as Japan, thought this would make a good game, but it was made and now we have to live with the fact that it exists and no matter how much we try to, we can’t erase Seaman from human history. 3 – Muscle March, • You thought I was done with the homoerotic games, but you were very wrong, this is another game based around retrieving protein powder, because apparently Japan just can’t get enough of this sort of thing. • But instead of playing a shmup with weird visuals, this game employs motion controls to make you feel macho. • Your character chases a protein thief, who crashes through walls leaving various body builder pose sized holes, which you have to assume, while holding the Wiimote and nun chuck in order to catch up to him. 2 – LSD: Dream Emulator, •
According to the official report, this game is based on the dream journal an artist from Asmik Ace Entertainment, has been keeping for 10 years, but when you put ‘LSD’ in the title, don’t you think that’s rather damning evidence? Putting ‘Dream Emulator’ on the end doesn’t remove the previous three letters you know. • But yes, this game plays like one big acid trip, you play as first person exploring psychedelic landscapes, every time you touch something, be it a wall or a purple elephant, you move to the next scene. • There’s no point to this game, it’s just a sight seeing tour of Nishikawa’s ‘dreams’, occasionally you might bump into an enemy of sorts, but all they do is make you wake up or force you into another dream. 1 – Hatoful Boyfriend • What could be weirder than a game about an acid trip? A traditional Japanese dating game where you date various species of birds in a post-apocalyptic future. • And I know what you’re thinking, no they’re not anime representations of birds made anthropomorphic, they’re just pictures of different species of birds. • Also the main character is the only human and she lives in a cave, but that’s not the end of it, if you play through the game enough times you can eventually go through murder mysteries, help ghost birds to move on and also discover what caused the human species to decline to the point of near extinction and what allowed giant intelligent birds to take their place.